I know where I am in my life. My Hubby is on one side and Noah on the other & God is in front leading the way. Sometimes I see where He is going and I hesitate, other times I am walking blind. I feel, knowing where God is trying to get me to go is harder than not knowing. At least with not knowing you cant fight it. When you know where he is going and you see His plan, you realize that its not exactly what YOU had planned. I know this side all too well.
When I married Hubby I had just finally got him to start coming to the "wacky" church of mine. We had a very easy, low-key, life together. Then one day Hubby comes to me and says, "I think I am supposed to be a Priest." Ummm... I am sorry WHAT??? I had seen this coming but refused to allow myself to except it, after all me a wife of a Priest, yeah right. I could not play the whole quiet and submissive role, it just wasn't me. I protested that I could not be married to a Priest.
As time went on, Hubby kept coming to me with this whole Priest idea. Finally I told him to talk to Fr. GoBigOrGoHome. He did and came home with confirmation. Needless to say Hubby is in seminary, go figure. Not at all what I had planned for us, but none the less I am comfortable with it and honestly cant wait till his ordination.
I think walking blind is hard to do but its easier to accept the overall outcome. Right before Hubby and I got married he was diagnosed with MS. This was the hardest thing to deal with, literally a month before the big day. Do we continue with the wedding, do we postpone, do not go thru with it at all? Questions and many many emotions surrounded us. I was lost completely blindsided by the entire ordeal. One day Hubby and I were driving home from somewhere and he told me that he would understand if I didn't want to marry him and that it was going to be a long hard road and he would completely understand if I didn't want to be there with him. I got very upset with him for even thinking I would leave him because of the situation. My vows started when I said yes to his proposal, not when the honeymoon began. (Call me old fashion, but really!) I knew that what ever road God was going to put us on would be the right one. Not knowing what that road was, was easier than seeing it and knowing exactly how hard it will/is/would be.
I am happy with where I am in my little journey. I trust, sometimes hesitantly, that He has me right here He wants me. I just have to know to always follow and never lead.