Yes, I confess, I am a BIG planner! I can also be one that has a "take charge" kind of attitude. Both of these are okay, at certain times.
I have found, in my life, that I have had a ton of frustration with the need to plan. If things weren't going the way I planned, I would freak and race back to the drawing board (so to speak). Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that not everything can be planned.
When I met Hubby, he wasn't going to church, drank a bunch, cursed a lot and could be a little harsh at moments. One day I told Hubby, "I don't think that I can date someone who doesn't go to church." To make a long story short, he came to church and SLOWLY began to like it. (Truth is, after the first time at my church he never wanted to go back, but he did for me!) After a while he was baptized and then later confirmed.
We got engaged and plans were wrapping up nicely. About 1 or 2 months before the wedding Hubby was diagnosed with MS. My planning went right out the window. Would he be well enough to go thru with the wedding? Would we have to postpone? Needless to say he spent about 3 weeks in and out of the hospital. He was angry and sad. One day we were driving and Hubby took my hand and told me that if I wanted out of the wedding that he would understand. He proceeded to say that he knew this was going to be a hard life and that I was young and should have to go thru this. Well, after hearing that I almost slapped him, I probably would have if we weren't driving. Needless to say I told him where to go! I told him that the wedding was still on and that my "vow" to him began when I said yes to marrying him!
A few months after our wedding Hubby came to me an told me that he was having really freaky dreams. I asked him what they were about. He told me that in the dream he was with the Fathers of our church and they were fighting against Satan. I was taken by surprise, and told him that maybe he should talk to someone about them. He agreed but never did. I think he thought they would just go away. A dream is just a dream, right? A month or two later Hubby came back to me and said that he thought he was being called to the Ministry. In my head I was like, "Hey wait a minute, that's not in the plan for my life! I cant be a wife to a Priest. Yeah this aint happening!" Hubby asked me if I could see myself as a Priests wife. I simply told him, "NOPE!". These types of conversations carried on for a couple of weeks when finally I told him to go talk to Fr. "Go Big Or Go Home" and see what he thought. BAD MOVE!! I thought that Fr "Go Big Or Go Home" would agree with me and tell Hubby that he was just having strange dreams and that he was not called to the ministry. That way, we could keep on living life according to Alena's grand plan. Hubby came home one night and said, "Well I think I am going to enroll in Seminary!"
"WHAT???" Wow was I wrong?
Fr "Go Big Or Go Home" knew he was called to the ministry for a long time and was just waiting to tell him. My plan...Knocked right out of the park.
Hubby started seminary and things were hard but we were being blessed. A couple of years later I got pregnant. A GREAT blessing, but not what I had planned. Hubby and I were told to expect that it would take about 6 months to a year for me to get pregnant, this was told to us by a DR.! Well 1 1/2 months later I was cookin' a bun in the oven. Just slightly off the 6 months to a year window! ;)
Trying to balance wife, mother, working women, church and having a hubby in seminary was/is hard...VERY hard.
Just a couple months ago I finally accepted the fact that my life was forever changed and what was going to happen was not what I planned. God has a different plan in mind...a better one in fact! I learned the hard way, my time is not His time and my plans are NOT His plans. His plans are better, are full of blessings and most of all are planned with love.
Hubby is going to be ordained Deacon next month and I couldn't be happier. In no way could I plan for the things that will happen in our lives as we take this new journey, and you know what, I am just fine with that!!